Regaining True Perspective of God
I received a hitting revelation this morning from God. While I was praying, I felt a duty to look into my old blogposts for "A Father's Letter," a list of Bible verses I found that show us His love for us. I'd been meaning to send it to my disciple for a long time, but never did. I hope she's blessed by it. But as I was looking through my posts trying to find it, everything I was reading just kind of left me with a sorrow..that of wanting to experience Him like I once did. I was mostly reading from 2009..that was the year I truly found God and was experiencing His love profoundly in the place of intimacy, and He was bringing so much clarity to my life because of it. Today I feel like I walk around not knowing what God's doing and not knowing how to encourage people because I don't have victory myself. In the past year, I feel like there's been a blockage in prayer, and a lack of empathy with His heart. That degree of love for the Father I had seems like something of yesterday. I closed my laptop and told Him sincerely, "God, I want to love You like I did two years ago.."
But as I continued to pray with earnestness, He opened my eyes to this built-up resentment in my heart against Him. In the past two years, He's allowed a lot of trials and difficulties into my life and, as a result, my perspective of Him changed. I wasn't aware of it, but I misunderstood the hardship as God not loving me so much anymore. There's so much striving in my prayers now, so much striving. But He revealed to me that the problem is in the way I saw Him. My perspective of Him has definitely fallen from two years ago because of everything that He's allowed in my life to teach me to trust in Him. From feeling lost and not knowing what I was doing in China a lot of the time, to feeling burnt out by vset and, simultaneously, finding it extremely difficult to trust Him as my grandpa's health was failing and his salvation at stake, and then coming back and not feeling like His people really cared for me and what I was going through..that whole year created this disillusionment in my heart about God's love toward me. I looked at His actions--what He was allowing in my life--and forgot His intentions behind it all was still love. I forgot that He cares for and loves me like a Father who needs to teach His child how to trust Him. I forgot the nature of God is LOVE, and it will always, always be. In whatever season of life, His intentions toward us are still love. Through the trials I knew He loved me, but I lost true heart understanding of that along the way. Forgive me, God, for looking at Your actions and forgetting the goodness of Your nature. Your nature is love and it always will be. Nothing about You will ever, ever change.
Thankful I'm able to pray with understanding of God's love for me again. Instead of praying, "Allow me to love you like I did 2 years ago," I realize it should be, "Allow me to understand Your love for me like I did 2 years ago." I thought I was the only one reaching, but the Man actually loves me more than I would ever know.
Sometimes God hides Himself for our good. It pains God when He has to hide, but it's to teach us..like a baby has to learn that Mom really is coming back soon, that she hasn't left him.
From an exposition of Isaiah 45:15 ("Truly you are a God who hides himself, O God and Savior of Israel):
He is also a God that hides himself from his own people at times, withdraws his gracious presence, and withholds the communication of his love and grace. These seem to be the words of the prophet, speaking his own experience, and that of other saints: or rather of the church, upon the access of the Gentiles to her, declaring what the Lord had been to them in former times; but now had showed himself to them in a way of grace and mercy. Some render it "thou art the hidden God"
But as I continued to pray with earnestness, He opened my eyes to this built-up resentment in my heart against Him. In the past two years, He's allowed a lot of trials and difficulties into my life and, as a result, my perspective of Him changed. I wasn't aware of it, but I misunderstood the hardship as God not loving me so much anymore. There's so much striving in my prayers now, so much striving. But He revealed to me that the problem is in the way I saw Him. My perspective of Him has definitely fallen from two years ago because of everything that He's allowed in my life to teach me to trust in Him. From feeling lost and not knowing what I was doing in China a lot of the time, to feeling burnt out by vset and, simultaneously, finding it extremely difficult to trust Him as my grandpa's health was failing and his salvation at stake, and then coming back and not feeling like His people really cared for me and what I was going through..that whole year created this disillusionment in my heart about God's love toward me. I looked at His actions--what He was allowing in my life--and forgot His intentions behind it all was still love. I forgot that He cares for and loves me like a Father who needs to teach His child how to trust Him. I forgot the nature of God is LOVE, and it will always, always be. In whatever season of life, His intentions toward us are still love. Through the trials I knew He loved me, but I lost true heart understanding of that along the way. Forgive me, God, for looking at Your actions and forgetting the goodness of Your nature. Your nature is love and it always will be. Nothing about You will ever, ever change.
Thankful I'm able to pray with understanding of God's love for me again. Instead of praying, "Allow me to love you like I did 2 years ago," I realize it should be, "Allow me to understand Your love for me like I did 2 years ago." I thought I was the only one reaching, but the Man actually loves me more than I would ever know.
Sometimes God hides Himself for our good. It pains God when He has to hide, but it's to teach us..like a baby has to learn that Mom really is coming back soon, that she hasn't left him.
From an exposition of Isaiah 45:15 ("Truly you are a God who hides himself, O God and Savior of Israel):
He is also a God that hides himself from his own people at times, withdraws his gracious presence, and withholds the communication of his love and grace. These seem to be the words of the prophet, speaking his own experience, and that of other saints: or rather of the church, upon the access of the Gentiles to her, declaring what the Lord had been to them in former times; but now had showed himself to them in a way of grace and mercy. Some render it "thou art the hidden God"
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