Inner Healing

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From Women of Destiny: “A [man or] woman will never reach her highest potential..without being a whole person in every way.”

This weekend was filled with signs of God insisting that I let go of the past and the hurts it holds, taking a road paved by forgiveness.

On Saturday, I was at a Revival Group Meeting with the students at Bethel. It was like a carnival with different sections and booths, except they weren’t games, but: prophecies, prophetic arts, impartation, and hand-washing (they sit there and pamper you :). All the booths were mainly run by the Bethel students, for their practice. Angie and I were waiting in line at the prophetic arts section, and one of the chairs got freed up so I went and sat down in front of a student. He was joking around and laughing hoarsely with other people sitting around, something about earwax. I kind of mentally rolled my eyes, disappointed that I got someone so immature to prophecy for me. It also struck me how similar his demeanor was to a friend of mine who hurt me a lot, and my stomach knotted as the memory came rushing back. I think he sensed my impatience, so we introduced ourselves quickly and he got out a red coloring pencil and started drawing a cat. “Uhh..this is gonna be a really evil-looking cat,” he said, and flipped the page around to draw a new one in purple. As he was doing all this I was thinking the worst of him and what he was going to say (I hate cats), and wanted to insist he stop and just leave. But he finished pretty quickly, stopped and looked at the cat for a few seconds, and began to prophesy life to me..

“God says you’re not allowed to feel small and insignificant. Have you ever had a cat? [I say no.] Have you been around cats? [I nod.]Well, you know how dogs are pretty much owned by their masters, but cats will just walk into a room and own it? They’re like, ‘I know who I am, who are you?’ You can intimidate the enemy just by being who you are. You’re 10 feet tall in the spirit, and you can change the atmosphere just by walking into a room. You make people feel powerful, and you carry this royalty. That’s why the cat is purple.”

I do very much feel small and insignificant most of the time, and the reassurance coming from this guy against that was pretty much a slap in the face. Here’s this guy who I had so many presumptions about the minute I sat down, who reminded me so much of a guy I once called friend, now speaking words of so much encouragement to my heart. Prophecy aside, this was God telling me: you need to forgive. Like my old friend, he acted immature and maybe hurtful, but once he got talking, the goodness of his heart just overflowed in speech. This goodness is what God sees, and this is what He wants us to see in each other.

Forgive 77 times 77 times a day, says the Lord. It’s not to say that what the person did was ever right, as a lady spoke to me in the healing room, but if anything, this is for me. It’s my way to freedom.

But frankly, I think I’ve always held back from letting the Lord heal me completely. I’m afraid of coming out of hiding, and I’ve used my past as an excuse not to be all that I can be for Him. But what cowardice. Healing might be uncomfortable and scary, but it’s all for the Kingdom. We have to face our pasts with a spirit that says, “You’re not going to dominate me anymore” so that others can get to that place of freedom too. I’m ready, Lord, *opens arms wide*, Heal me! For You, for them, for me.

DSCF0179

The cat didn’t turn out as evil as I expected.

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Linda Jo said…
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February 17, 2010 at 4:57 PM
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