Happy New Year!
It is 2010, and my New Year's Resolution is to be happy.
I think I'm one of those people prone to depression, falling in and out all the time. For one thing, it's a tendency for intercessors (which I recently found God has called me to) to be depressed because they feel so much of what God feels and what others feel. Another thing is I'm real sensitive..though I've been told it's really a heightened sense of conviction: tonight I felt bad for not smiling at someone, and horrible for not talking to someone else, and guilty for looking away from someone else. Overall, I'm downright sick and tired of the devil messing with my mind. Especially concerning the people who haven't "accepted" me yet. ..You can tell why I'm a psych minor.
But the Word is my life- and renewal-source.
This year, I choose to take joy, and I choose to shake off this weight that's been sucking the gleam from my eyes and feigning the happiness in my smile for too long. I don't even have the words to describe it, but whenever my mind and body want to smile and laugh, it's like my spirit says "No, you don't deserve to."
But Jesus already died for me to have joy.
I was watching little kids in the park on New Years. No, I'm not a pedophile, but they just make me so happy. I forget what I was depressed about, but right when I saw these little kids running across the parking lot, it made me smile. Just looking at these little creatures with so much joy, with no care in the world, it's no wonder God tells us to be like children..cause He wants us to be joyful. It makes Him happy when we're following Him yet still carefree, because He already died on the cross and said "It is done." For us to be worrying and feeling guilty all the time totally defeats the purpose of the cross.
And even though we have plenty to worry about with all these messed up situations in the world, we can pray for all these things from a position of offense because He's already victorious. Then we go out and change things because we can.
Sometimes when I'm spending time with God I get this urge to write something (where the stuff in "The Gist" section over there-> came from). But this time it's my first wannabe poem since elementary school, haha:
City lights twinkle
As I look down from a hill
A city unincorporated,
With its own bustle, its own way of things,
My city.
A blanket wrapped around two
As they sit high upon a park table
Gazing across the darkening horizon
I close my eyes in solitude,
The lovers are gone.
City lights twinkle.
New figures appear atop the table
(a seemingly popular spot for city-gazing),
Their tie seems that of comfortable companionship,
A triad bonded by familiarity.
I close my eyes in knowing solitude,
And my friends are gone.
City lights twinkle.
My car tape player reels.
"..Better is one day," the city sings.
In aloneness, I agree,
Better is one day in His courts.
I close my eyes in perfect peace
And enter His courts.
City lights twinkle.
I think I'm one of those people prone to depression, falling in and out all the time. For one thing, it's a tendency for intercessors (which I recently found God has called me to) to be depressed because they feel so much of what God feels and what others feel. Another thing is I'm real sensitive..though I've been told it's really a heightened sense of conviction: tonight I felt bad for not smiling at someone, and horrible for not talking to someone else, and guilty for looking away from someone else. Overall, I'm downright sick and tired of the devil messing with my mind. Especially concerning the people who haven't "accepted" me yet. ..You can tell why I'm a psych minor.
But the Word is my life- and renewal-source.
This year, I choose to take joy, and I choose to shake off this weight that's been sucking the gleam from my eyes and feigning the happiness in my smile for too long. I don't even have the words to describe it, but whenever my mind and body want to smile and laugh, it's like my spirit says "No, you don't deserve to."
But Jesus already died for me to have joy.
I was watching little kids in the park on New Years. No, I'm not a pedophile, but they just make me so happy. I forget what I was depressed about, but right when I saw these little kids running across the parking lot, it made me smile. Just looking at these little creatures with so much joy, with no care in the world, it's no wonder God tells us to be like children..cause He wants us to be joyful. It makes Him happy when we're following Him yet still carefree, because He already died on the cross and said "It is done." For us to be worrying and feeling guilty all the time totally defeats the purpose of the cross.
And even though we have plenty to worry about with all these messed up situations in the world, we can pray for all these things from a position of offense because He's already victorious. Then we go out and change things because we can.
Sometimes when I'm spending time with God I get this urge to write something (where the stuff in "The Gist" section over there-> came from). But this time it's my first wannabe poem since elementary school, haha:
City lights twinkle
As I look down from a hill
A city unincorporated,
With its own bustle, its own way of things,
My city.
A blanket wrapped around two
As they sit high upon a park table
Gazing across the darkening horizon
I close my eyes in solitude,
The lovers are gone.
City lights twinkle.
New figures appear atop the table
(a seemingly popular spot for city-gazing),
Their tie seems that of comfortable companionship,
A triad bonded by familiarity.
I close my eyes in knowing solitude,
And my friends are gone.
City lights twinkle.
My car tape player reels.
"..Better is one day," the city sings.
In aloneness, I agree,
Better is one day in His courts.
I close my eyes in perfect peace
And enter His courts.
City lights twinkle.
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