The Beautiful Letdown
Unlike a lot of people, I'm lucky to have very few childhood scars. My childhood was generally a happy time in my life. We had a humongous circle of family friends, consisting probably of 4 families. Whenever the 4 moms would get together to play 'mah jong', the kids would all come over to my house, and we'd just play games, swim, slide down the stairs in sleeping bags, and just have fun all night long. I was always surrounded by happy friends, and happy family.
My first big upset in life was when we had to move out of my childhood home. It was just so sad because that's where all those memories were, and it was where I grew up for 16 years. It was a big house with 2 stories, a huge backyard with a swimming pool and basketball court, and a hill at the back we'd always climb. When we had to move, it was around the same time I had to face a new school in a city I had never even heard of, and find new friends. It was my first big letdown in life, where I had to leave behind my comfort zone of 16 years and search for a new niche in unfamiliar places.
The next big upset life gave me was at the end of my senior year, when my picture perfect family was, all of a sudden, falling apart. I was unaware of any trouble ahead on a Monday morning, but in a matter of 3 days, I had found my parents were facing divorce, and my mom had moved out to live with my grandparents. When I went to college that fall, the family of four that shared a roof only a few months earlier, was broken up and scattered.
Even though life seems to suck at these times, the beauty of it all is what you get out of it.
I've always tried to find security in something. First, it was the notion of 'home.' I could always call something my home, the place I'd go back to every night to sleep and eat and hang out. But that security disappeared after my first move, and even more so after college, when I would begin to shift my notion of 'home' every..weekend. But the main thing I've always tried to find my security in is people. I've always had to have a best friend. It was Valerie and Kelli (?) in kindergarten, Suzy, then Natalie, in elementary, then Linda and Melissa in junior high. But probably the most frequent and disheartening upsets throughout my life have been from this security that I seek in people. After all, imperfect people make imperfect relationships. There's so much hurt involved. And if the basic unit of society, the first priority and first call people make in the best and worst of times--family--can break up in a matter of months..then what can people depend on?..to be there when they need a shoulder, to listen, to grieve with them, to celebrate with them, to give them everything they need in their time of need?
God.
I really do take Him for granted. It must grieve Him..that all those years I didn't know Him, I'd been looking for security and love wherever I could find even a hint of temporary assurance, and was let down every time. And even now, when I know and love and worship Him, I can so easily take Him for granted sometimes. I still try to find my place at work and school, and my sense of self-worth still relies on approval from other people, when all that really matters is what God thinks of me.
As I continue my journey with Him, I hope to change these tendencies. I hope for more letdowns, more tests, where all I can do is depend on Him. Cause now I realize..that I have nowhere to call 'home' except under the Lord's wings, and no truer friend than He who lay down His life for me.
Jon Foreman, the lead singer of Switchfoot, once said.. "You see, anything in this world can let you down. This chair I'm sitting on can break on me. I can sing in a few minutes, but the next minute I could lose my voice forever, I could come home and find out my wife has been cheating on me, anything can let you down. But you know what is beautiful about it? Is that when all the things of this world let you down, it leads you to that one thing that is truly beautiful, the Love of God. You see everything in this world is finite, but only one thing is infinite, the never failing, always constant, unconditional love of Jesus Christ."
And no matter what you do, no matter how long you've been away from Him or what you've done while you've been away, He'll always always be waiting with open arms to give you the love you've been searching for in the wrong places.
Even when I've forsaken Him, even when I sin and disobey Him, He still stands with open arms to me. What greater love is there?
Life is a beautiful struggle. All the letdowns you experience, just show you that this isn't your home. This is just a trial, and God's saved the best for last, and for eternity. But on the way there, He promises He'll be there to catch you when you fall.
"The LORD your God is with you; the mighty One will save you. He will rejoice over you. You will rest in His love; he will sing and be joyful about you." -Zeph 3:17
My first big upset in life was when we had to move out of my childhood home. It was just so sad because that's where all those memories were, and it was where I grew up for 16 years. It was a big house with 2 stories, a huge backyard with a swimming pool and basketball court, and a hill at the back we'd always climb. When we had to move, it was around the same time I had to face a new school in a city I had never even heard of, and find new friends. It was my first big letdown in life, where I had to leave behind my comfort zone of 16 years and search for a new niche in unfamiliar places.
The next big upset life gave me was at the end of my senior year, when my picture perfect family was, all of a sudden, falling apart. I was unaware of any trouble ahead on a Monday morning, but in a matter of 3 days, I had found my parents were facing divorce, and my mom had moved out to live with my grandparents. When I went to college that fall, the family of four that shared a roof only a few months earlier, was broken up and scattered.
Even though life seems to suck at these times, the beauty of it all is what you get out of it.
I've always tried to find security in something. First, it was the notion of 'home.' I could always call something my home, the place I'd go back to every night to sleep and eat and hang out. But that security disappeared after my first move, and even more so after college, when I would begin to shift my notion of 'home' every..weekend. But the main thing I've always tried to find my security in is people. I've always had to have a best friend. It was Valerie and Kelli (?) in kindergarten, Suzy, then Natalie, in elementary, then Linda and Melissa in junior high. But probably the most frequent and disheartening upsets throughout my life have been from this security that I seek in people. After all, imperfect people make imperfect relationships. There's so much hurt involved. And if the basic unit of society, the first priority and first call people make in the best and worst of times--family--can break up in a matter of months..then what can people depend on?..to be there when they need a shoulder, to listen, to grieve with them, to celebrate with them, to give them everything they need in their time of need?
God.
I really do take Him for granted. It must grieve Him..that all those years I didn't know Him, I'd been looking for security and love wherever I could find even a hint of temporary assurance, and was let down every time. And even now, when I know and love and worship Him, I can so easily take Him for granted sometimes. I still try to find my place at work and school, and my sense of self-worth still relies on approval from other people, when all that really matters is what God thinks of me.
As I continue my journey with Him, I hope to change these tendencies. I hope for more letdowns, more tests, where all I can do is depend on Him. Cause now I realize..that I have nowhere to call 'home' except under the Lord's wings, and no truer friend than He who lay down His life for me.
Jon Foreman, the lead singer of Switchfoot, once said.. "You see, anything in this world can let you down. This chair I'm sitting on can break on me. I can sing in a few minutes, but the next minute I could lose my voice forever, I could come home and find out my wife has been cheating on me, anything can let you down. But you know what is beautiful about it? Is that when all the things of this world let you down, it leads you to that one thing that is truly beautiful, the Love of God. You see everything in this world is finite, but only one thing is infinite, the never failing, always constant, unconditional love of Jesus Christ."
And no matter what you do, no matter how long you've been away from Him or what you've done while you've been away, He'll always always be waiting with open arms to give you the love you've been searching for in the wrong places.
Even when I've forsaken Him, even when I sin and disobey Him, He still stands with open arms to me. What greater love is there?
Life is a beautiful struggle. All the letdowns you experience, just show you that this isn't your home. This is just a trial, and God's saved the best for last, and for eternity. But on the way there, He promises He'll be there to catch you when you fall.
"The LORD your God is with you; the mighty One will save you. He will rejoice over you. You will rest in His love; he will sing and be joyful about you." -Zeph 3:17
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