When God Wants to Prove a Point

I've always struggled with feelings that I'm not enough. I think many people do, but living with a voice that's hard to hear just sort of amplifies those lies that tell me I'm not audible/outspoken/outgoing/whatever enough. But God has cared enough to work out events in my life just to prove to me that I am enough. And oftentimes when God wants to prove a point to me, He will take years to do so. He'll orchestrate a series of events that all fit together like a puzzle, and progresses like a symphony with this amazing finale where I'm blown away by His faithfulness, goodness, and love for me. I'm here to share one of those stories. It's a testimony of God proving my identity to me - through my career, out of all things. I hope it encourages you that our God sees past what man sees, and is hope for those whom others deem hopeless.

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Back in the summer of 2014, I had stumbled upon an opportunity to be a photographer for Google Business, taking photos for business owners of the inside of their store and their products. It seemed like an amazing opportunity because, well, it was Google. While in training, I went on a trip to Central CA with my boss and coworker to take photos of businesses there. However, my boss and the person who was training me had discussed my voice a couple times prior to the trip. They were concerned that I wasn’t able to project my voice like most people can, and business owners would find it too hard to hear me. I guess the trip was sort of a trial period, because after we got back, my boss told me that they could only have me on board as an assistant, because they didn’t want my voice to affect the company’s image. As an assistant, I would rarely have work and, when I did, I wouldn’t get paid much. I was devastated and didn’t understand why I wasn’t enough and how I could damage their reputation.. 

So I decided to move on and hold off on becoming a freelancer, which was my goal at the time, and I began searching for full-time jobs. I got an interview at a shoe company, got a decent offer and started working there. Almost every day my boss would give me a hard time about my speaking volume, or would show an attitude whenever he couldn’t hear me. This continued on every day until a month into my new job, my boss pulled me into a private room to tell me that they were letting me go because I wasn’t “outspoken" enough for the role. On the way home I went to get some comfort food and cried my eyes out while eating McDonald's chicken nuggets. 

After these series of events, I hit rock bottom. When I was growing up, people would comment on my voice and would tell me I wouldn’t be able to find a job in the future with the voice I have. I remember in high school trying to get a job at Subway, and my aunt laughed, “How can you get a job there? People can barely hear you.” Once when I was giving a presentation in my high school English class, my teacher stopped me and said, "Felicia, I don't know what to do, I can't hear you." My Spanish teacher voiced her concern that I wouldn't be able to get a job. A college admissions consultant told me I could claim my voice as a disability. I hated these comments and worked my butt off to try to prove these people wrong. Yet here I was, a USC graduate who actually couldn’t get or hold a job. Suddenly I realized all those people might have been right. All these comments came flooding back to my memory to tell me that I was in fact disabled and a disgrace to employers and, therefore, worthless. 

Fast forward to January of 2015. With a little help and encouragement from some friends, I started applying to jobs again, and that’s when I found Vantari. When I went in for an interview, my first impression was that it was way out of my league as a company, given my recent employment record. It was the most sleek-looking laboratory in one of the nicest, wealthiest cities in California. The interview went well, but I wasn’t surprised when they told me they decided to find someone more experienced. I continued on with my job search, got another decent offer and accepted it. Surprisingly, shortly after I accepted that offer, Vantari reached back out to me and asked me if I was still available, because they couldn’t find anyone as experienced as they were hoping. Without much hesitation, I jumped onboard. 

The weekend before I was to start at Vantari, a missionary friend prophesied over me that in this next place I was stepping into, there would be no more of “you’re not loud enough,” “you’re not peppy enough," or “you’re not whatever enough.” She said, "In this next place, you’ll be so important and so appreciated, that they can’t.. do.. without you.’” She had no idea what I had gone through in the past few months, or that I was starting a new job. Her words certainly hit me at a vulnerable place in my heart and I knew that it was God speaking to me, yet I was incredulous at the time, almost certain that they would find some glaring flaw with me just as every other company had, and deem me dispensable. 

As I look back today in August of 2017, the words of my friend actually became true. For the past two and a half years at Vantari, I have never felt so appreciated and loved in a workplace. People compliment my work all the time, my coworkers and bosses ask me to take their family photos and call me an “amazing photographer.” When it’s my birthday, people decorate my desk. In the past 2.5 years, I’ve gotten a promotion and three raises. And you know what has surprised me the most? No one has ever made a comment about my voice. 

In the past eight months, Joseph and I have lived in Chino, which has meant a grueling 2.5-3hr commute for me every day. I knew I couldn’t do it anymore, yet part of me wanted desperately to stay at Vantari. I finally gave in though to the necessity and desire of nurturing my marriage by spending more time at home and not in my car. So I found a new job closer to home. When I gave my two-weeks notice, I even shed tears! My managers were in denial too but blessed my decision. A couple days later, however, my manager told me she had discussed with our CEO and they wanted to ask me to stay. They were going to give me the freedom to work from home, and not just that, they offered to buy me all the furniture I needed to do so. AND they asked if I wanted a raise. Shortly after I enthusiastically accepted the offer, my CEO said during a meeting, “You guys might not know this, but I asked Felicia to stay. When we have good people, we can’t let them leave. If they have to work at home, that’s fine. I love her to death.” When I was telling Joseph about the counteroffer, he made a comment that stuck with me: “It’s as if God is showing you how valuable you are through Vantari.”

My new home office!

And I realize those words ring so true: all the comments about my voice growing up, and my failures in keeping jobs, have continually fed my struggle with inadequacy. But through God's faithfulness in my career and His confirmations through prophecy, He's shown me what I’m truly worth. I don’t have to strive to be someone else by being loud or putting on another personality. I’m valuable exactly the way He made me. What’s happened doesn’t prove to me that I am super skilled and talented, though even the gifts that I have are from God, but it tells me that God is love. I had this intricate web of lies woven into my mind that told me I'm worthless, a disgrace, and have no future. But God completely hijacked my life and proved to me in the most real, awesome, and even practical way, that those were lies I needed to stop believing. He not only directed me into the career path of my natural God-given talent, He plopped me in a workplace where I’m treasured and valued, a place I could never have found or gotten into on my own. Even before I stepped foot into this place, He had told me, “This is Me. I want you to know how valuable you are.”


"He raises the poor from the dust, He lifts the needy from the ash heap to make them sit with princes, and inherit a seat of honor; For the pillars of the earth are the LORD’s, and on them he has set the world." - 1 Sam 2:8

"If the oceans roar Your greatness, so will I." 
Hillsong - So Will I