The Call to Recalibrate
Recently the Lord has been reminding me of what my life used to be like when I was still single. When I was single, I went to God for every ache and pain of
my heart. And He would heal me, comfort me, speak to me, and make me
whole again. He was truly my best friend – an intimacy created through my great brokenness.
When Joseph and I started dating, it was a completely new experience, in part because I had never opened myself up to another person quite so much before. My spiritual mother once saw and told me my heart was guarded with a lock, and only Jesus had the key. She said, "That's okay, but God wants to heal you." Then Joseph came along – this guy who wanted to love every bit of me and prove over and over to me that he was trustworthy. And that's when I opened my heart up to love from another human being. It took quite some effort from him, yet brought much freedom to my guarded heart, and it's why he and I are so close to this day.
But over the past two years, I began to forget about God. It definitely didn't happen overnight, but it was a gradual, slow distancing from Him. I still talked to Him, I still prayed and read and served. Yet my heart didn't yearn for Him like it did before. He wasn't my only source of comfort, security, and joy anymore. Yet until recently, I refused to acknowledge the distancing because of my spiritual pride. After many fights having erupted because of Joseph failing to meet my expectations as "the person who loves me," I finally realized that he had taken the place of God in my life.
After this stark realization, I have consciously been recalibrating my heart to look to and yearn for God like it used to when I was single. When I feel lonely, I look to and think about God instead of keeping busy and expecting Joseph to text me. Now that I am no longer single, it takes a choice – I have options now of who I will look to in my need, but the better choice is God, and it always will be God. It takes a conscious recalibrating of our hearts to respond in love and yearning for God even when there are so many other things we can look to to fill our hearts. This conscious recalibration has already made a great difference for my heart and my relationship. And I certainly want to and need to continue doing so for the health of my marriage. To the outsider it may seem an ironic idea that we would need God even when we have each other, but it's quite true because we are not made for each other - we are made for God. He is the One who first loves us so we are able to love rightly, which is to love with patience, kindness, selflessness, humility. We never grow out of needing God, because He is the Creator of our hearts. In every season, He holds all things together, even the things that seem safest from destruction.
Whatever and whoever we look to for the aches and pains of our hearts – this is a call to wean off of each other, and to yearn for Jesus.
When Joseph and I started dating, it was a completely new experience, in part because I had never opened myself up to another person quite so much before. My spiritual mother once saw and told me my heart was guarded with a lock, and only Jesus had the key. She said, "That's okay, but God wants to heal you." Then Joseph came along – this guy who wanted to love every bit of me and prove over and over to me that he was trustworthy. And that's when I opened my heart up to love from another human being. It took quite some effort from him, yet brought much freedom to my guarded heart, and it's why he and I are so close to this day.
But over the past two years, I began to forget about God. It definitely didn't happen overnight, but it was a gradual, slow distancing from Him. I still talked to Him, I still prayed and read and served. Yet my heart didn't yearn for Him like it did before. He wasn't my only source of comfort, security, and joy anymore. Yet until recently, I refused to acknowledge the distancing because of my spiritual pride. After many fights having erupted because of Joseph failing to meet my expectations as "the person who loves me," I finally realized that he had taken the place of God in my life.
After this stark realization, I have consciously been recalibrating my heart to look to and yearn for God like it used to when I was single. When I feel lonely, I look to and think about God instead of keeping busy and expecting Joseph to text me. Now that I am no longer single, it takes a choice – I have options now of who I will look to in my need, but the better choice is God, and it always will be God. It takes a conscious recalibrating of our hearts to respond in love and yearning for God even when there are so many other things we can look to to fill our hearts. This conscious recalibration has already made a great difference for my heart and my relationship. And I certainly want to and need to continue doing so for the health of my marriage. To the outsider it may seem an ironic idea that we would need God even when we have each other, but it's quite true because we are not made for each other - we are made for God. He is the One who first loves us so we are able to love rightly, which is to love with patience, kindness, selflessness, humility. We never grow out of needing God, because He is the Creator of our hearts. In every season, He holds all things together, even the things that seem safest from destruction.
Whatever and whoever we look to for the aches and pains of our hearts – this is a call to wean off of each other, and to yearn for Jesus.
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-Frances jie