Waiting to be Called

-
I haven't been content with my life ever since China. In that half a year, I felt like I was in the Lord's will because I was in a place where few people really knew the gospel and so, more obviously needed Him and needed to hear about Him. Ever since, I've had on-and-off bouts of intensely wishing I was somewhere else, doing something else. It often hits when I'm driving..driving to school, driving to work, driving to activities that don't mean much in comparison to being with Jesus and serving Him. 

Then again, there is a vast difference between conviction and the calling of God. I'm convicted, that's for sure, but not yet called. I have family responsibilities, equipping, and healing that still need to be taken care of. I was thinking of all this while steaming my mom's clothes last night and realized, "Maybe God's will for me right now is just for me to be here, steaming my mom's clothes." 

Being a real Jesus-follower I realize, naturally comes with a lot of intense internal conflict and struggle. Jesus knew this best, what with coming to earth as GOD yet people not even taking Him seriously and spitting in His face, and then going to the cross to die for the people knowing the majority of them wouldn't even acknowledge His sacrifice. I bet sometimes He just wanted to yell at them, "LISTEN TO ME, YOU FOOLS. Take Me seriously!" Not for His sake, but for our sake, so we would just get it and stop living aimlessly. Sometimes I feel like that, with the elderly patients who come into the office with only a few years or months or days to live.. I just want them to get it. I really, really wish they would. 



Comments

Frances said…
I feel you, sister. I'm still learning and practicing being still and just knowing that He is GOD (Ps 46:10). It's hard but GOD makes all things beautiful in His time. Let's keep waiting on the Lord and hoping in Jesus. Come visit me sometime! I return to LA tomorrow (or hopefully I can come to you somehow). Love you ,3
January 5, 2012 at 8:33 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Joyful Invitation

-
As, when the Jews from all parts of the country went up thrice a year to worship at Jerusalem, they called on their friends in the road and excited them to go along with them, so shall many of the Gentiles court their relations, friends, and neighbours, to join with them in embracing the Christian religion (v. 3):  "Come, and let us go up to the mountain of the  Lord;  though it be uphill and against the heart, yet it is the mountain of the Lord,  who will assist the assent of our souls towards him.’’  If only we would as easily invite all our friends, neighbors, family, and co-workers to know the Lord , as we would invite them to parties or to hang out..
Read more

The Good Eye

-
Image
Coming from an unsaved home, the messages I first received from Christianity were that there was a Person who loved me. I was mind-blown that there was a Creator who knew and loved me extravagantly. I didn’t understand the religiosity of things or even how people could be sick of church. But over a decade, the Person I first fell in love with began to fade into the background of my memory, and the clamor of my own insecurities and comparisons with others began to take over – in regard to how well-versed I was with the Bible, how well I could pray, how much I was doing for God in missions and evangelism, whether I could prophesy accurately, whether people were healed when I prayed for them, and the list goes on.  The passage that struck me recently regarding this matter was Matthew 6:22-23: “The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good , your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad , your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefore the light ...
Read more

The Worth of Hiddenness

-
Image
For much of my 20’s, I aspired to a certain idea and vision of greatness. I received prophecies about my greatness and how the Lord wanted to use me to “impact nations.” I heard these kinds of words over and over, and these words were great to hear – but naturally, after many years of not making much impact, I felt like I had failed God to some measure (I believe my experience is not uncommon). I felt I needed to figure out how to achieve “big impact” in order to truly fulfill my calling and destiny in life.   The Great Commission says in Matthew 28:19-20:  "Go therefore and  make disciples of all the nations , baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit...”  When read plainly, the Great Commission does put forth this command of impacting nations. The problem is that we have interpreted the Great Commission in a way that makes it unachievable to 99% of Christians who do not have large platforms or access to thousands ...
Read more