In Brokenness is Where I Wanna Be

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I was listening to an IHOP sermon yesterday, and the speaker Alisha Powell was talking about how there’s things that just get to us and make us excited, that make us say, “DANG God, I can’t believe how amazing You are.” I live for these moments, when I don’t know what to do with myself but just forget myself in worship of Him.

Most of those moments are propelled by and lie in music: a soul-escalating crescendo, a beat dropped in the perfect place, a lyrical rap intertwined together with a melody to hit the soul where the heart needs to feel the most and beat a little harder for its Creator. There’s this one song that breaks me apart every time: “Worlds Apart” by Jars of Clay. It brings me back to the cross, where Christ the Most Innocent, Precious One tore Himself apart willingly for me. And we ask, “Why couldn’t that be me?” But knowing it is done, all I can do is cry and pray-“Take my world apart, God. Break me apart for You. Strip me of my pride and all the things in me that offend You..cause You don’t deserve any of it, Jesus.” He’s beautiful, He’s so beautiful.

I’ve been fighting to get back into this place of focusing on and gazing upon Him everyday..So many things and people have been cluttering my mind that it’s so hard when you’re loving an invisible God. Yet His love is more real and stronger than anything—I sat worshipping with my mp3 player for 2 hours yesterday, and felt the chains of all these competing affections slowly fall away as I worshipped, for “a greater love always eclipses a lesser love.” Grateful. Cause there’s so much freedom being lost in love with Him.

I was blessed by ICA’s Winter Conference this past weekend. One thing is waking up one morning not knowing who in the world you’re brushing your teeth next to..but finding yourself at the end of the day in the same position, next to the same person, and totally in love with them. It’s one of those things—being amazed by the uniqueness and beauty in His living creations—that just make me say, “Dang God, how can I not love You.”

Ahhh (mixed feelings kinda ‘Ahh’)..I leave in exactly one month to Beijing !

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