Raw (again)

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Realizing Christianity really is a constant spiritual battle. we're not dealing with flesh and blood but spiritual forces of evil, and the enemy prowls like a roaring lion waiting to devour us when we give in a little to the world. i've been unconscious of, or resistant to beholding, how weighty every second is, and how every decision is a direct mark of how committed i am to God or how weak and vulnerable i am to the enemy at that moment.

Lately i think the enemy has been trying to devour my prayer life. he's been feeding me lies, like 'it's ok if i don't pray today, nothing big is happening today anyway'..or that i can do things on my own strength, or that i can get by without prayer. but prayer is LIFE, prayer is what keeps my inner man alive. i am in need of grace every single second of the day, to not give in to that temptation to listen to that upbeat love song, which God knows has a major influence on me, or to pass up an opportunity to bless someone, but instead treat conversations/run-ins as mere interactions and not something of divine appointment, which all things are.

Been lacking connection with God in terms of words..communication. i play worship songs and sing along, talk to people about Him, listen to people talk about Him, think about Him, etc. etc. but when i come before Him, it's just..silent. i don't know what to say anymore. i don't know how to open up that channel i once had of intimacy, adoration, intercession.

But thankful God's mercies are new every morning. feeling a new spurt of faith from answered prayers. i asked God to give me a heart for my church so i wouldn't be a hypocritical prayer leader..and i think He's growing it in me indeed. just as simple as that..i asked, He answered. i think the devil's best skill is in numbing God's people to the power of prayer. answered prayers are God's little reminders, maybe even just to humor us, that He really is listening, and EVERY single prayer matters whether it seems/looks like it or not. when we really realize that, we can change the blasted world on our knees. thankful for renewed faith, and a renewed heart for prayer. praises to my One and only.. psalm 116.

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